The Art of
Online Training Program
“Often the more in love you are, the more conflict. Learning to repair after a rupture is how you alchemize conflict into intimacy.”
Discover how to repair the severed connection in your relationship even when you feel stretched to your limits.
I believe all relationships are a form of ‘schooling’ and their highest objective (beyond mating) is education.
As a Love Coach, working with many couples and observing the patterns that emerge, I see how many fights (which can turn to threats-to-break-up) have more to do with the wielding of power. We often use “force & leverage” to avoid what we don’t want. But sometimes our inner chimp wants to win its way more than it wants to love.
Healthy relationships always shape you. They sculpt you, they carve off your unconscious defensive persona in an attempt to reveal who you actually are under your wound-driven neuroses, beneath your defended self. When you are serious about Love, fear is always hiding in the shadows: fear of not being enough, fear of intimacy, fear of failure, fear of heartbreak & fear of death (the mother of ALL fears).
Ultimately, it’s a primal fear of being forced into identity-level shifts which threaten individual lovers’ current sense of self. In True Love, we must shift our fundamental sense of self—our identity—from me to us and from us to me. This deep ego upheaval feels like dying. And in a way, it is…two people die into a new emergent possibility.
But just like learning trades up old paradigms for new ones, so too Love asks you to revisit your most cherished beliefs. It asks you to check if they’re still serving, and replace them with more current frames.
Our partners our sacred mirrors reflecting all of our glory and garbage. They are our teachers, hired to emancipate us from obsolete defense mechanisms, myopias, and smallness.
Conflict is the forum in which romantic metamorphosis transpires. Fighting is the way two completely different, powerful humans tesselate their beings, to create a new Third “I”. Each time your connection ruptures and repairs, it grows back stronger like ripped muscles after a workout. When done with skill, conflict can be a gymnasium, a dojo and the world’s most transformational workshop.
When you’re participating in relationship as a tool for personal growth (rather than a haven for comfort & security), think of yourself as a caterpillar. From that larval self, you may unconsciously view the cocoon of the relationship as pending annihilation.
But if instead, you shift your identity to pending butterfly, you’ll have faith in a magnificent re-birth. You’ll relate to the breakdowns as part of the process, knowing you will come through the transformation as a freer, more magnificent version of your self.
True Love is a gladiator sport. It’s not for the faint-hearted. Courage, audacity and a willingness to die—into the most extraordinary opportunity of lifetime—is the price of entry. That’s why it’s so rare.
Very few achieve the epic love that myth and poetry describe, because very few know how to practice the difficult Art of Fighting.
In this course, I will map out the rocky terrain with clear maps, detailed directions and a relentless belief in your ability to create connection out of chaos. Join me, for a revelatory ride up to your next level of growth in the name of love.
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For those who value growth more than their ego-defenses, True Love becomes an excellent opportunity to ascend the developmental spiral towards greatness.
Each in-love couple I know has silently considered “breaking up” at some exasperated point. Relationships bring up ALL our unhealed wounds.
True romance is the container in which those wounds can finally be healed. If you don’t want to run, but have no clue how to resolve the drama that haunts your connection, in this program you will get the skills to finally master the Art of Fighting.
I want to show how you can use conflict to build intimacy instead of ruptured connection.
DR. NEAL GOLDSMITH
Psychotherapist & Author
“I love you, I hate you…”
My husband was the first person who gave me permission to be angry. Somehow he knew beneath my rage was a sacred truth howling to be heard. It was he who gave my rage dignity, and a voice.
Once, at the height of an escalated fight, he stabbed 3 words straight into my heart: “I hate you”.
Everything stopped. I heard the three worst words you can hear from a lover. I thought for sure we were over.
“How can you hate me?” I asked, mortified.
“I’m really angry, and right now I hate you,” he explained.
Silence…I felt him breathe into a sudden softening, “But…” he added, “I love you more than I hate you.”
Could someone actually love and hate me at the same time? Until that moment they seemed mutually exclusive. All of a sudden they were united and transcended in one sentence.
“The Art of Fighting” is an audio program with eight 1-hour sessions.
- How to recognize & navigate a healthy fight vs. an unhealthy fight
- Why do we fight? What are the costs & benefits?
- Early signs of conflict that allow you to turn arguments into development opportunities
- What to do when everything you say is making it worse: halting the dance of anger
- How to stop your partner from blaming you for causing the fight
- What to say/ do when your partner is angry, upset or disconnected
- How to discuss those delicate issues that always seem to result in conflict
- What to do with defensiveness or attack (in self or other)
- Handling ancient resents from past wounds or traumatic childhoods
- What are the rules of engagement? Step-by-step in the art of fighting
- How to safely handle jealousy, envy and control
- How are sex & conflict related? Discover the link between sex, shame & aggression