I believe all relationships are a form of ‘schooling’ and their highest objective (beyond mating) is education.

As a Love Coach, working with many couples and observing the patterns that emerge, I see how many fights (which can turn to threats-to-break-up) have more to do with the wielding of power. We often use “force & leverage” to avoid what we don’t want.

Healthy relationships always shape you. They sculpt you, they carve off your unconscious defensive persona in an attempt to reveal who you actually are under your wound-driven neuroses, beneath your defended self. When you are serious about Love, fear is always hiding in the shadows: fear of not being enough, fear of intimacy, fear of failure, fear of heartbreak & fear of death (the mother of ALL fears).

Ultimately, it’s a primal fear of being forced into identity-level shifts which threaten individual lovers’ current sense of self. In True Love, we must shift our fundamental sense of self—our identity—from me to us and from us to me. This deep ego upheaval feels like dying. And in a way, it is…two people die into a new emergent possibility.

But just like learning trades up old paradigms for new ones, so too Love asks you to revisit your most cherished beliefs. It asks you to check if they’re still serving, and replace them with more current frames.

Our partners our sacred mirrors reflecting all of our glory and garbage. They are our teachers, hired to emancipate us from obsolete defense mechanisms, myopias, and smallness.

Conflict is the forum in which romantic metamorphosis transpires. Fighting is the way two completely different, powerful humans tesselate their beings, to create a new Third “I”. Each time your connection ruptures and repairs, it grows back stronger like ripped muscles after a workout. When done with skill, conflict can be a gymnasium, a dojo and the world’s most transformational workshop.

When you’re participating in relationship as a tool for personal growth (rather than a haven for comfort & security), think of yourself as a caterpillar. From that larval self, you may unconsciously view the cocoon of the relationship as pending annihilation.

But if instead, you shift your identity to pending butterfly, you’ll have faith in a magnificent re-birth. You’ll relate to the breakdowns as part of the process, knowing you will come through the transformation as a freer, more magnificent version of your self.

True Love is a gladiator sport. It’s not for the faint-hearted. Courage, audacity and a willingness to die—into the most extraordinary opportunity of lifetime—is the price of entry. That’s why it’s so rare.

Very few achieve the epic love that myth and poetry describe, because very few know how to practice the difficult Art of Fighting.

In this course, I will map out the rocky terrain with clear maps, detailed directions and a relentless belief in your ability to create connection out of chaos. Join me, for a revelatory ride up to your next level of growth in the name of love.

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