…Become the Woman of His
If you want to find the most amazing man to be your mate, you’ve got to become the most amazing woman he’s ever met.
He’ll want to know his woman has a great life and an open heart that funds her vision and power. More than anything, a man needs a woman who knows how to love—and the first test is, does she love herself?
That’s why the single most important key to unlocking true and lasting love is self-esteem. It’s the one thing that will make everything else work and without which, nothing works. But how do you work on self-esteem? And what is self-esteem anyway? Simply put, it’s your ability to feel confident about your future successes. It’s also a deep, abiding feeling that you deserve happiness. It’s the most important thing you’ve got. Self– esteem is your unconscious romantic commercial. Underneath all intentions, words and behaviors, it silently sends out a message saying “I’m SO the One” or not…
In this post, you’ll learn how to raise your self-esteem and your inner value in three easy steps. I am going to show you how to become the kind of woman that the man you want to marry finds irresistible.
Step one: Appreciating You
The first technique I’d like you to explore is to cultivate your already existing self-esteem— start making it bigger and stronger. Take a moment to think about your life and the way you interact with people… notice where you already are someone who’s caring, sensitive or beautiful in the world. Where do you automatically act in ways that you’re actually quite proud of? Do you go out of your way to include others in a conversation or hold the door open for someone at the grocery store? Do you randomly smile at strangers or help lost tourists? What are the ways that you show respect for other peoples’ points of view? Start to become conscious of those moments where you already are the kind of person you admire—celebrate those moments, no matter how small. Commit to loving and appreciating yourself right now, right where you are…
Step Two: Delight in Life’s Little Pleasures
Another way to build self-esteem is to amplify the pleasurable sensations that arise throughout your day, even in seemingly mundane experiences: Practice paying attention to subtle, everyday delights. It’s as simple as stepping onto the mat in your bathroom and feeling the softness under your feet…Or at night, in bed as you turn the pillow over to feel the soft, cool cotton on your face. Maybe you like the breeze on your neck, notice it. Sometimes, just washing my hair, the scent of the shampoo delights me. Excavate the taken-for-granted microscopic pleasures that lurk dormant throughout your day and bring them to life by acknowledging them and observing your pleasure. I call this “delighting in your delight”. It’s a powerful esteem-building tool (the best one I know). But it requires practice.
Life provides a banquet of small, pleasurable events that we rarely notice. And while it may not seem like this kind of awareness is related to self-esteem, in my experience, it is crucial to developing your sense of confidence and your sense of self. If you’re not aware of the moments in your day where you’re delighted and feeling connected to your surroundings, you’re not consciously contributing to your sense of aliveness—which is what fundamentally funds your happiness & confidence.
Self-esteem is built through hundreds of these tiny, incremental shifts in attention and appreciation. So start noticing what you already do in your day that makes you proud and gives you (or others) delight. This confers ‘props’ to your unconscious self, where self-esteem is manufactured. There’s nothing new you have to learn— just notice where you are already acting like the kind of woman you admire and deepen your enjoyment of everyday pleasures. You’ll be surprised how much these two simple steps make you a magnet for the man of your dreams.
Step 3: See Yourself on The Big {Mind} Screen
Now I want to share with you a very powerful technique and one of my favorite tools for building self-esteem. It’s something I teach all my clients and I’ve practiced it for most of my life: I imagine a camera filming every single subtle thing I do, even when I am alone. I’m the star of a movie that’s playing 24/7. Everything I do in a day is projected on a big movie screen in my mind… Now I’m sitting in the audience, front row, and beside me are all the people I love and admire. So at any moment in time, I ask myself: is the woman on the movie screen someone everyone in the audience would be clapping for? This question helps me figure out what to say, how to act and what to do in variety of situations. I try to only do those things that would have the entire audience clapping for me on screen.
Perhaps you stop to pay attention to a beautiful shadow on the sidewalk one evening, or maybe you look up at the sky and notice the radiance of the moon. Nobody sees you do this, but that internal camera is always following you around—the camera of your own consciousness. Watching you all the time. And remember you’re in that audience with all your mentors, deciding whether that behavior, gesture, statement, tone of voice is beautiful and clap-worthy or not. It’s that internal clap or shame response that actually builds your self-esteem or eats away at it. The movie screen is a great technique for encouraging yourself to always act in such a way that the woman inside you —the part observing your own behavior— is falling in love with the woman on the screen. Remember, someday your soul mate might be sitting in the audience, and you want to make sure he’s clapping for you.
Take a moment to think about how you react to someone’s anger, someone you love or someone at work. Are you open? Are you inquisitive or are you defensive and counter attacking? Imagine yourself on that movie screen— how would the people in the audience be reacting? Would they be clapping? Imagine yourself in an awkward situation at work, at home, with friends, how do you handle yourself? What kind of behavior would you be clapping for? If the audience wouldn’t be clapping, don’t do it. It costs you big every time you betray your own inner conscience about what behaviors are beautiful or not. It costs you your radiance, your attractiveness and your core self-esteem.
What are five things you’ve done in the last few days that you’d be clapping for on that movie screen? It could be something you did alone or around other people— just take two minutes right now and write down five things you would be clapping for. Great. Notice how it feels in your body to remember these moments, notice how it affects your sense of self, your sense of beauty and aliveness.
Now, look over your list and recognize that the more you engage in this kind of behavior, the more your self-esteem will increase. Your self-esteem is dependent on what you think you’re capable of, how beautiful you think you are, how worthy of happiness and love you feel. So as long as you keep building your own personal belief in your magnificence, you’re on the path to finding a magnificent man. Creating yourself as someone you deeply admire is the key to finding love that lasts.
Woman: The Creatrix
As women, we are creative by nature. We make the most amazing art form known to man—LIFE itself. In my opinion, it’s the best magic trick in the universe. Think about all of the things we have accomplished with science and technology, all of the great works of art & science…is there anything quite as magnificent as the creation of a human being? And we, as women can do that in our bodies. So whether you choose to have a child or not, recognize that you have the equipment to create life which is an incredible source of power. If you can create life, then you can create anything.
Most women also have a very strong aesthetic sense. We tend to decorate spaces. We entertain and delight others with our clothes, our jewelry and our emotional poetry. We create safe, nurturing places where other people feel relaxed and happy. We make delicious meals, we create social environments, we create parties. I believe that every woman at heart is an artist. Whatever we do, we do it with a sense of balance, beauty and imagination. Every surface in your living room was created with some style.
As women, we dream about many things. In particular, we dream about relationships. We dream about love. We dream about what it could be like to be in a spectacular relationship. I want you to start becoming more conscious of your dreams and fantasies—notice the artistry involved. Notice the way you use your intelligence, your imagination and your sense of beauty and possibility. Whether you’re dreaming about a future partner, a new apartment or how you’re going to craft a particular email, this is you enlisting your native artistry. You are a Creatrix and the more you’re aware of your own creative power, the more your self-esteem increases.
Since women are natural creators, even our conversations are actually a form of art. Many of the sentences we say in a given day may never have been said before. So think of yourself as original, creative, a problem solver, a visionary—because the more you identify as a woman with these roles, the more you can take any circumstance and turn it into what you desire. Throughout history, women have been called sorceresses or witches and I like those terms because there’s something uncanny and bold about a woman and her wants. When she puts her energy into a desire, she literally can conjure life itself into existence.
You’re Already Doing It
So I am encouraging you to tune into where you are already creative in your life: whether it’s how you put together an outfit, how you prepare food, how you decorate your apartment or how you hold a conversation. Notice yourself bringing creativity and imagination to these everyday, casual moments in your life. Notice how you’re already becoming the woman of your dreams. Let life delight you. And make sure you’re clapping for that woman on the big mind screen.
By virtue of your femininity, you are a divine magician. You are also the author and producer of the movie of your life. You may not be able to script everything that happens in your world, but your power lies in how you react to those unbidden events, not the events themselves. How you respond to your reality is the most conscious, creative aspect of being a human being, that’s where ALL your power lies. Believe in your ability to make yourself the most extraordinary woman possible so that you can meet the most extraordinary match in your man.
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